She was wearing a floral dress with a big print, the flowers lavander and the background gray. Part of her long, bushy hair was pushed backwards so it would be out of the way. Golden little watch, small , star-shaped white rhinestones as earrings, white flats. She had both her elbows planted firmly on the table while she clasped a mug of reheated coffee, legs apart. It felt like a rock on her stomach. While watching a dark butterfly pay a visit to the flowers in the backyard, she was gathering her thoughts from the long Skype conversation she had last night. Am I willing to give up my comfort zone for a man with no career? My dreams, for a bartender at the airport. Already a foreigner in this house, since it was not her own, but a foreigner in another country? It was not all for him, obviously! My PhD applications there would allow me to live there and have a scholarship and study in some of the most resourceful places, if she was accepted. If. He is giving. Whatever is mine, is yours, but he wouldn’t move. Well, when you don’t have a lot going on for you in life, we cling to whatever we have to stay afloat, to survive. In terms of life experience, hands down he had it. But I have it, too. And a career to develop. And a college degree. And some money. He has his ambitions of course, he wants to work, he is working right now. But no one should be a bartender at forty. Retirement plans? Ha ha, funny. Everything he owns can be sold within two weeks, he says. Good, very liberating, enviably carefree and liberating. We know life is not straightforward, but we need to plan something, we don’t live forever. He wants to make money, I want to be helpful, to participate in other’s lives, to give back, to share knowledge. Delusional, since very few actually want to learn. What are we going to do with our lives?

 

I said I want to go blonder, he already stated he wouldn’t like it. I don’t think this has a future.

She’s got a job interview in half an hour.

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